As I was lying in bed last night, I thought about killing Anaka.

For those of you who do not know, Anaka was the evolution of my fandom-based, mary-sue-esque characters from childhood. I say evolution because I created a whole planet, a culture and society, a history to place her in. There was always potential for cross-over into my main fandom at the time, Star Wars, but she could operate autonomously of it.

I began using (RPing) her, and introducing her background, in the Cloud City Cantina (a Star Wars chatroom still in operation, though 'simming' is banned, due to events I am guilty of participating in). She "married" a fellow smuggler-turned-Rebel, Zulin Jinn, and was eventually blackmailed into joining with the Sith Circle. She had an affair with a bounty hunter and he dragged her into the Empire Reborn under Imperial Leader. She became the Darth Vader to his Emperor (something I was proud of). She divorced Zulin, fell in with a pair of Fleet Commanders and, eventually, supported one in a failed coup. In a duel to the death, the other spared her life on the condition that she would support HIS bid for the throne. Under duress, she accepted and under his reign became the commander for all ground forces.

Out of RP, I began speaking with the man behind the new Emperor. At the time, it was wonderful to have the attention of someone who could keep up with me in RP, strategy, conversation. Zulin could, but we had gone our separate ways as he focused on his popularity at school. My relationship with Hal Horn aka Kalaan grew.

It wasn't a mistake at first. Our relationship grew romantic and our RPs became more and more private, centered on our superior abilities to convey action and emotion. It helped hone my writing skills.

But over the years he grew more and more sloppy, or I grew more and more picky. By the time all was said and done, I could no longer disentangle Anaka and her world, Gyea, from his brainchildren, Kalaan and the Kaladrians.

He and I have since parted ways, time and again. I always go back because, in part, I don't want to lose the part of myself that still writes through our RPs. Last night, however, I was thinking of how entertwined the two have become, me and Anaka, he and Kalaan. Finally, I came to the conclusion that in order to help me let go of him (Because I HAVE to let go of him... He has begun harassing my brothers trying to get me back with him either through coercion or through breaking me down), I have to kill Anaka and publish it very publicly.

For him, I would publish it on MySpace. For my own writing, I intend to make it a grand finale, encompassing her long struggle and her death. It would continue to one of Kalaan's brainchildren that I stole, whom he could never control. When I appropriated him, one of the voices in my head took him and nutured him.He grew. In RP last, with Anaka lying in a hospital slowly dying and Kalaan losing his mind, he pulled a coup and placed Kaladria under martial law. I would like to give my dear Admiral Akri'a and his counterpart and second in command, Key'ra some closure as well. In other words, I'm in a good place to end it without the complication of the son that we have dabbled with in the past (Ah, Kelran.. I'll miss him too)

I do know that he is still following me, still begging for me back, and it bothers me to no end that he is talking down to me (Makes me want to fight) and begging me (Which would work, except he has nothing to offer me: less and less with every passing year).

I miss the old days, the simplicity. I miss the man I knew. I miss the ignorance I had of our pasts. I miss the naivete I once knew with him.

I decided, however, that while I may not be entirely happy now, I am less unhappy than I was with him. Goddess, help it stick this time.
So I guess what I'm saying, what I'm asking, is should I really kill her off? Or should I rewrite her entirely and post it as healing? I'm not quite sure what to do.